why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
