I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
