Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
