You're so nebulous sometimes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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