I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
