if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
