the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
