i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
