i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
