i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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