I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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