Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
