i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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