Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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