just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
