ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
