i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
