I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Who died my cat blue again?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
