You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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