Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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