Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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