I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
