; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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