All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As shirtless as possible
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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