I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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