Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
