Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
