so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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