is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
