so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
