Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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