we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
operation have a gay friend backfired
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
