My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
