i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
