Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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