I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
