Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got inside last night via doggy door
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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