I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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