I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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