break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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