ugly people sure do ruin things
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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