I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
