i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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