There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
