woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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