Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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