flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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