Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
