I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
not ubering you a puppy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
