He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
